June books: Still 1/4
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Two-thirds of my family came home yesterday, which on one hand is great, I was very happy to see them and they were very happy to see me, but it does mean that it’s been much harder to maintain the schedule I set for myself. Of the five main things on my schedule each day, I’ve only done three yesterday and today. Alas.
Now that my alone time is over, how was it? Well, it certainly was nice to have full control of my own schedule. I suspect I gained back several hours on not having to transport anyone anywhere alone. Plus I only had to cook every other day instead of every day, which also was a big time saver.
But I also, at times, felt purposeless. That bodes ill for later on in life when the kids have hopefully moved out. I had hoped that being able to focus on my own interests 100% would, if anything, be more fulfilling, and I did enjoy working on each item, but overall it felt like…like it was too late, almost. Like I should have done this stuff fifteen years ago, and now I’m too old to get any real benefit out of it.
Also concerning. I talked to my spouse a bit about this last night, this feeling of being too late on some of these things, but it basically boiled down to you can’t do everything in life, and choices were made, and regretting things you didn’t do earlier isn’t going to help anything now or in the future.
(And, if we want to be trite, the best time to start something is twenty years. The second best time is now. Or plant trees, or some such.)
So I wish I could come out of this saying that I feel amazing! But I mostly just feel a little sad about everything. And really it’s too bad that you can’t completely retool your life in two weeks because that would be great.
(It’s also ungodly hot so that’s probably not helping my mood at all.)
Do you ever feel a bit sad about roads not taken, squiders? The ironic thing here is that, with a lot of the things I was trying out these past few weeks, they weren’t on my radar twenty years ago anyway. Goals and interests change and cycle and all that jazz. So it’s all well and good to be like “I wish I had taken this up twenty years ago” but if 20yearspast!Kit didn’t care about them then who even knows.
See you next week, squiders!
